the Keyan Herron dictionary of life

Tequila

2009-11-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

(from the Keyan Herron dictionary of life)

Tequila:

I'd give you a definition, but I can no longer speak :/

Just kidding I don't get hammered in the afternoon.

Science

2009-11-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

(from the Keyan Herron dictionary of life)

Science:

One of my friends has a saying for whenever he sees a poorly disguised tranny, a dumbass or something generally abhorrent to him:

What has science done?

But really, what has science done in the modern era? I'll tell you: it's made a bunch of people a bunch of money.

I have a serious question for the world: why haven't we cured the common cold?

By now you'd think we could anyway, right? I mean it's the year 2009 for pete's sake, we should not still be dealing with it.

It continues to amaze me that science has the power to give an old ass dude a giant erection for FOUR HOURS with a simple pill, but I still get sick every single year.

Come on guys.

R

2009-10-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

(from the Keyan Herron dictionary of life)

R:

I think history is playing a huge joke on us, or at least on me. Let me explain why today's word is only a letter through the following narrative of the previous five minutes of my day:

I logged into my blog to make the post for the letter "R" (which is next alphabetically) only to find that I didn't have any r words on the brain. My trusty google search led me to the "wikipedia" page for the letter r. I scrolled down the page in search of the cool list of words I thought I might be lucky enough to find, however I did not make it. I never saw the end of the page because the chart of multi-lingual visual representations of the letter R stopped me dead in my tracks. It was... a penis, staring up at me from the page.

I'm speaking of course of the letter R in the Proto-Canaanite alphabet (language used before Phonetician)

Here it is:

Now this by itself would have just been funny, what really got me to go WHAT THE FUCK?!?! was what followed: I went to the page for the whole proto-canaanite alphabet (to make sure this wasn't a trick of my dirty mind).

We all know that the letter "S" follows the letter "R"

Well here's what followed the "dick" in the proto-canaanite alphabet:
You guessed it, BALLS.

If you didn't catch that, here they are again:
What the fuck, wikipedia?

Questionable Decisions

2009-10-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

(from the Keyan Herron Dictionary of life)

I deeply apologize for the delay in Q to those few of you who really follow the dictionary, but here it is : Questionable Decisions

We all make them, but some of us more than others.

While Pat Buchanan may be "historically" correct in saying that America was founded by white people, I find his recent tirade on Rachel Maddow's show to be a Questionable Decision.

He went on and on about the many accomplishments of white people, and how we started this country and made it what it was.

It was in response to a question about the fact that so few women and racial minorities have been on the U.S. Supreme Court. To me, his use of this white-America logic to brand Sonia So-toh-my-or as a liberal minority extremist, is no better (or much different) than those who oppose the separation of church and state with the argument that since Christians founded America, it is a Christian nation. Both of these sentiments, though based on a shred of historical fact, are ridiculous, a defy what it means to really be American.

I'm sorry that today's post wasn't funny. However, the nice folks that do autotune the news featured Buchanan's super white remarks in one of their recent videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAfQhQJOquA

Peace Prize

2009-10-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

(from the Keyan Herron Dictionary of Life)

United States President Barack Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize.

I have the following to say about this:

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

How could such a traitor be worthy of any award, it's like he stabbed me in the back, and then the world did it again to make sure I was friggin dead.

Let me clarify something though: I voted for the man, I support his administration and most of his policies.

But if he thinks he can turn his back on his fellow smokers, passing anti-flavor legislation and encouraging heavy regulation of MY Virginia death sticks, then he's way off the deep end.

This artist of treason and his cronies in congress even wanted to ban menthol.

What a disgrace.

October should be Octopus Month

2009-10-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

(from the Keyan Herron Dictionary of life)

Check out my eight arms, bitch

Nouveau Riche

2009-10-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

(from the Keyan Herron Dictionary of Life)

nouveau riche

Here's my new philosophy:

Dress like New Money
Act like Old Money
Have no money at all

Mix Tapes

2009-09-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

from the Keyan Herron dictionary of life

I apologize for the long absence of the dictionary, but it's back now.

Mix Tapes: these seem to be extremely rare these days, nobody really makes them anymore.

I guess that's because of CDs...

Little Jimmy Dickens

2009-08-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

(from the keyan herron dictionary of life)

I just heard about this guy. He's a long-time country music artist known for funny songs and being short.

Shorter than me in fact.

Little Jimmy Dickens

KING

2009-08-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

(from the keyan herron dictionary of life)

Like Burger King, just not all burgers.

This is a store I want to open up someday, a place that sells everything.

jugs

2009-08-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

(from the keyan herron dictionary of life)

jugs: women have them, but I think they're pretty useless. milk comes in bottles for reason

jug, wait isn't that another word for bottle?

this brings me to my real point, why don't we have milkmen anymore. we have to go to the store to get cartons. milk ought to be delivered again.

for that matter, so should straight porn (jugs are everywhere, it''s getting annoying)

Ichabod Crane

2009-08-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

(from the keyan herron dictionary of life)

So there's this neighborhood in my town called sleepy hollow

but they didn't stop there, the whole place is themed around a story about a dude with no head who kills schmucks with weird names.

which brings to this: what kind of a name is Ichabod?

then again what kind of a name is Keyan?

I'll tell you, it's a fucking Irish name.

Don't bother looking up Ichabod on google to see where the name comes from, I didn't and I've already written a whole blog about it.

As one of my good friends pointed out, two things:
there's a road in this place called tarrytown
what the fuck tarrytown, seriously?

SERIOUSLY? TARRYTOWN?

American city planning must have been taken over by some jokesters way back, because road names aren't supposed to have humor and whit and fancy little theme meanings. a home sits on a piece of property at an address, and since a home is where you go no matter the mood, it should be affect-free along with the address.

all in my humble opinion of course

Heart Attack

2009-08-16T13:24:00.000-07:00

1) What killed Michael Jackson.

OR WAS IT?!?!?!?!?

G

2009-08-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

1) 01000111 in binary

2) 71 ASCII code

3) GEE
If you sing along, I'm sorry but you're gay.

Fag

2009-08-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

1) Brit for cig

2) ?gay?

I take sorta dangerous position on this one, but it is what it is. I consider there to be three levels of homo: homosexual, gay, and fag. Two of them are socially acceptable, one is just embarrassing the rest of us.

Take a guess.

Ethernet

2009-08-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

My life blood cable.

Takes me everywhere I need to go. He has no bias, gives no shit what I look at. His only concern is speed.

Dot MPEG

2009-08-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

As in Horsedick.MPEG (DOT M-PEG!!!!)

If you haven't seen the movie Miss March you really ought to. It's one of the worst and by far the stupidest movie I've seen. That said, I couldn't stop laughing.

You're a dead man Tucker Cleigh

Cargo pants

2009-08-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

1) acceptable for jungle adventures

no one else.

not to be confused with cargo shorts, which most guys (me and pretty much all guys, excluding those who are just repulsive) can wear without looking incredibly stupid. But if you believe in all that fairer sex crap, we're all idiots. (I don't)

I mean, women are and will always be much prettier than men. Men are built for things like cargo pants, unfortunately. However, what I do believe is that sometimes it's good to rise above primitive aspects of our human nature.

I would normally add a picture here of me acting out today's word, but I threw out my cargo pants with the early 2000's.

So instead here's me visibly upset in high contrast.

Call me too gay or a fashionista or an asshole for using the word fashionista, but in the end, we're all just bloggers with meaningless opinions, the difference is that I'm trying to share them.

some of them.

Yeah so all the great C words are far too inappropriate for a guy trying not to lose his adsense license. This one kinda sucks.

BLACKGOLD

2009-08-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

no options!

A2A

2009-08-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

A2A (Apples to Apples):

1) The greatest game ever invented.

2) The only socially appropriate time to make Helen Keller jokes.

3) God's gift to hipsters.

4) Challenger Explosion.

Welcome to my blog, the Keyan Herron dictionary of life. Every twenty-six days or so a new set of words will be added.